Fuck Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Amazing Bubble Man

This is one of the craziest things I've seen. I mean who can make a square out of bubbles? Impossible you say? Watch this shit and hold onto your potato Dr. Jones!



-Evan

Bread Kills!

I was using stumbleupon.com out of boredom and came accross this hilarious article of why bread is officially the doom-bringer of our society. Enjoy!

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

5. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:

• 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
• 100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
• 96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
• 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident.
• 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.

6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all people born before 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.

7. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

9. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and being fed only water begged for bread after as little as two days.

10. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

11. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

13. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

14. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/breadkills.html

-Evan

This Kid is Officially my Hero!

see more Fail Blog


-Evan

We all Know Martinez' Stuff is the BOMB!

Tyrone Biggums Classroom Visit - More bloopers are a click away

-Evan

Fucking Seth Mcfarlane

It has recently come to my attention that Seth Mcfarlane has another animated series. Now I know that this knowledge has been out for quite sometime, but after having watched it, I say, what the fuck Seth Mcfarlane? Number one: you already have two ongoing animated series, one of which is constantly being referenced and quoted in day to day life. Number two: they are both not really that funny. Some people might say "oh, what the hell are you talking about? Family is fucking hilarious." No, not really. It is a moderately humorous show, whose jokes do not derive from, or pertain to the plot and events that occur at the time of their delivery. The show has been more or less reduced to a twenty-two minute compilation of random flashbacks and cut-scenes of situations that have no bearing on anything mixed with a few small elements of plot-line. Now, this is where you say, "but it's the randomness that so hilarious." I would agree that to some extent there is humour in the randomness, but for the most part it is just completely ridiculous and not really funny at all. That being said, I was a fan of the show in its earlier years. I found that there was the right amount of randomness mixed with an okay amount of plot-driven jokes, and lots of references to pop culture (something tha i enjoy very much), but over the past couple of years it has evolved into the lifeless unimaginative show i described earlier. I also have a theory that Seth Mcfarlane is doing this on purpose, to see how pointless he can make the show and see if people will still find it laugh out loud hilarious, because he knows that if the media portrays his show as funny, and since he already developed a strong fan base, people will still think he s a comic genius, and if I were in the position, I would probably do the same, just to see how succeptable people were to media suggestion.

I think most people would also agree that Family Guy is also a lot funnier than American Dad, this is something that i would also disagree with. I prefer American Dad to Family Guy because its jokes derive and pertain almost directly to the plot lines, and is not completely random.

Bringing me back to the the thing that spurred this rant, The Cleveland Show. I didn't actually watch the entire show, because 1: I did not find it funny in anyway
and 2: just thought that it plain unecessary. even if you do have a highly successful series, there is no need for more than two. Look at the other highly popular animated comedies. Matt Groening has The Simpsons, which is also widely viewed as a hilarious show, and as harboured great success with this show. He also made Futurama, which in my opinion was better than The Simpsons, but its ratings did not fair as well and fox cancelled the show. Then there is Trey Parker and Matt Stone's South Park, another very funny show that draws its comedy from daily societal situations and events. This is their only television show that I know of and they do not need another one. All of the three shows I have mentioned are in my opinion substantially more entertaining than the funniest of Seth Mcfarlane's , which begs the question, why make another that is not in any way funnier than the two previous shows. Now, I'm not saying that they're completely horrible shows and nobody should watch them (though it most likely came out that way), but I just don't think that they're as funny as people make them out to be, so stop acting like it and let Mcfarlane know that The Cleveland Show was completely and utterly unnecessary.

Jared

Magneto's TRUE Identity

Behold!!! After recently revisting my childhood and watching a few episodes of X-Men the animated cartoon (the original series from the 90's, not that oussy shit that they're feeding the kids today), i witnessed some groundbreaking news. Now, i bet you're thinking, well Jared, Magneto's secret identity has been publicly known for a long time now, right? WRONG! Contrary to popular belief, the man underneath the helmet of the Master of Magnetism is not in fact Erik Magnus Lehnsherr, but actually.......Vegeta, Prince of the Saiyans. This would also mean that not only can Magneto control the magnetic forces surrounding the Earth, but can also concentrate his ki energy into powerful kinetic blasts and generate power levels of up to 264 000 000 when fully transformed.

Also I've been getting asked where I found the photo, well I made it with my own awesome mind after watching the episode, yes I am a genius, calm down.

Posted by Jared

Beast has a Problem with Cheating Bitches and Quicksilver is gay.

Beast I think she cheated because you've got a furry wang, you need to manscape you're savage land homie, girls don't dig guys who have Sauron flying around in their love jungle.

In search of Mjǫllnir

Recently being reminded that my favorite Marvel character, the "Merc with the Mouth", Deadpool once became Thor and donned the iconic character's garb (as well as the slightly retarded olde english demeanor), I made it my sole purpose of the evening to seek out a replica of Thor's hammer.












On my quest to find a suitable candidate I stumbled across this bad boy. Sweet Zombie Jesus this thing was beastly, but looked retarded as hell. I mean where's the inscription on the side? Honestly this is the lamest Thor replica hammer I have ever seen. Like wtf this baby is more likely to lop heads than strike fear into the evil-doers of the Marvel Universe. It's also 42 inches, what the hell am I going to do with that? It'd be like carrying a freaking midget around. It's apparently based off the Marvel Ultimates, the lame-ass reboot of Marvel characters (of which I do own ultimate spiderman #1 :/). The price tag is also 500 big fat ones. Fuck that shit David Blaine.



Now this fucker is THE Mjǫllnir!!! Has the inscription on the side, classic Thor. 18 inches, much more resonable to pulverize thugs with than that lameass 42 inches, but it's a whopping 18.5 pounds of solid metal. One hit from this baby, Thor or not, and your ass is grass. This is what i'm talking about, a real man's hammer.

-Evan